Dear Abby: Grandparents hurt when teen changes name

Dear Abby Our granddaughter Amy who shows in -H decided to take her stepdad s last name when appearing at the fair Our son her father is a big part of her life This is the second year in a row she has done this and it hurts me and my husband deeply Her mother stepdad and his family think it s great Our son has no backbone and won t stand up to Amy s mother or put his foot down about the situation We tried talking with Amy She reported she will go by her stepdad s last name and doesn t care how we feel We love her very much Her stepfamily s name is no more critical than anyone else s but they think it is a big deal After Amy answered the way she did we narrated her we will no longer aid her at the -H fair She is at the impressionable age of My husband and I agree that we will also discontinue Amy s birthday and Christmas gifts if she is going to treat us like this We were brought up to respect our family and this is a slap in the face What should we do Proud of Our Name Dear Proud You wrote that your son is still a big part of Amy s life Has your granddaughter explained why she s determined to do this Could it be as simple as wanting to use a name that matches the parents who brought her to the event You have allowed yourselves to become too involved in this Retaliating by no longer subsidizing Amy s -H pursuits and withholding birthday and Christmas gifts may have been rash and could drive a lasting wedge that won t be easily repaired More calm and rational discussions should take place before you go nuclear Dear Abby I do everything for my family I take care of everyone I also work and earn a good living Now that I m older and my kids are grown I like to go on vacation The dilemma is my husband doesn t want to do anything My best friend booked a trip for the two of us and I m excited to go and enjoy a insufficient days off from my life so to speak but my husband is mad because he isn t invited I have taken a vacation without him to see our grandson across the country and it has never been an issue We have been together years For the last two years my husband has been sick but he s doing much better now I feel like I deserve a break and a mental reset He says he is hurt He is trying to guilt me into not going but I reported him I need this for my own sanity Am I wrong for wanting and needing this Escaping in South Carolina Dear Escaping Taking care of a sick husband in addition to everyone else is stressful I m glad your husband is doing better and I understand why you might want a break You stated that he doesn t want to do anything but feels hurt that he wasn t included Tell him if his urge to voyage has revived along with his soundness you would be delighted to arrange a trip for just the two of you You can afford it and it may soothe his feelings Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA